Thursday, September 10, 2015
WORDS YOU SHOULD KNOW: FUTURE FAKING
Future faking is a great tool for a narcissist to get and keep you hooked. The narcissist gives hints or direct statements about the future in order to control you in the present. This is a part of “managing your expectations” of what will happen in the relationship, since if you expect your dreams to come true, you'll act accordingly now, giving the narcissist supply and trust.
This is not about breaking a promise of something in the present...he didn't take you to that concert, or come over on Friday, as he said he would (excuses will follow), but rather about spinning a beautiful picture of a wonderful future that will never happen. It also provides a great way to end a disagreement...he shows you the moon, and you melt. Now for some examples...
The narcissist interrupts a fight in which you are suspicious of his behavior by saying, “Will everything be OK if we just get married? Will you trust me then?” Notice that this isn't an actual engagement, which would require a ring and a date. This gets him back in control of the situation by seeming to promise the ultimate.
The narcissist hoovers with future faking you after you've gone no contact. When the narcissist sees you're moving on and had enough, you unfortunately break no contact for some reason, and what he says to seal the deal of you letting him back into your life is that he's sorry, realizes how wrong he was, and WANTS TO GET MARRIED. That means he's serious. He's changed. Right? Wrong. It's future faking to the hilt. “I just want to have kids with you and grow old together”....he'll say it if he thinks it's what you want to hear.
The narcissist future fakes you during the initial phase of the relationship when he's love bombing you. “I've never met anyone like you. I know you'd make a good wife and mother.” “I can't believe we're so much alike...we have so much in common. I could do this forever.” “Look at you. You're gorgeous. We'd have beautiful children together.”
The narcissist future fakes you in casual conversation. “My business is really taking off. I wonder what Hawaii would be like when it's winter here.” “I've always wanted to stand on the Eiffel Tower and it would be great if you were by my side.”
Now, here's the thing. If you've been with a narcissist for very long, and you think back, you'll realize that you've been future faked time and time again....it's bait so he can keep reeling you in emotionally. However, there comes that day when he future fakes you, and you look at him with empty eyes. No excitement anymore. The dreams were all fake, and none of it was ever real.
Then, you'll realize that it wasn't so much that you loved the narcissist as that you loved the dream, and if your dreams are ever going to come true, it won't be with the narcissist.
at 10:25 AM