Thursday, September 10, 2015
WHY THE NARCISSIST MUST DESTROY YOUR BOUNDARIES.......
I have often said that the narcissist has several driving obsessions that explain much of what he does. The narcissist MUST have control and power over you, and he must have supply. These are non negotiable, absolute needs to the narcissist and he will do whatever he has to do to get them, no matter how wrong.
Your boundaries....well, boundaries are what you will and won't do, and will and won't tolerate. Boundaries are how YOU keep control of YOUR life, and as you can see, your having control of your life is EXACTLY what the narcissist cannot tolerate. Boundaries are only boundaries if you strictly enforce them, and when you do, the narcissist can't tolerate that...ever. He has lost control and he thinks he needs control in order to insure you are a reliable source of supply.
The narcissist, as a result, is always self focused. It's always going to be about him. Without power, control, and supply, he feels worthless and empty. Respecting your boundaries would equalize control in the relationship and narcissists never permit that.
So, the narcissist MUST destroy your boundaries, or destroy you. He will do the latter, anyway. He always does. In the case of my now wife's narcX, since she is not with him anymore, he had to try to destroy her boundaries at family gatherings, like our grandson's baptism party and the like, making for some incredibly tense moments where he had to be put in his place. He acted “hurt”, of course, being the martyr and all that.
But, here it is, 16 years after their divorce, and he STILL tries to break down he boundaries. That's how intolerable losing control of a former victim is to a narcissist.
If you tried boundaries and limits...said what you would and would NOT do and tolerate, and the narcissist had a cow, well, it could not have been any other way. And, a good relationship will have good boundaries, and a good man will always respect them.
at 5:11 PM