Thursday, September 10, 2015
THE NARCISSIST: JEKYL AND HYDE
For years I was perplexed by my NX. What was I seeing.....multiple personalities or what? At times, my NX seemed like a normal person, then at times, like a person who was frighteningly irrational, abusive, and evil. I could never have guessed the truth, not for a long, long time. For a long time I couldn't wrap my mind around the truth...that the narcissist wears a mask and plays a part, and in fact, may play many parts, and yes, the narcissist knows EXACTLY what they are doing.
One crazy thing was that the narcissist would, at times, speak of me in the most glowing terms to others, embarrassingly so. But, soon, my NX would talk to me, in private, and call me the most degrading and humiliating things, and be completely rejecting and dismissive of anything I said. I soon realized that the narcissist was going to extremes in both directions...I was neither a perfect, ideal person, nor was I the horrible person the narcissist was portraying me as. I had many conversations with the narcissist about being “reasonable and moderate”, but most of you know by now just how futile that was.
By research, I came to understand that narcissists engage in SPLITTING, where you are either all bad, or all good. In reality, we all have flaws and faults and do stupid things...that's life...but, in a normal relationship we are loved just as we are. I was constantly uncomfortable and extremely confused by this splitting, but it never stopped. Then, I realized that the narcissist did this to other people as well...they were either angels or devils.
One day it dawned on me that the narcissist HAD NO EMPATHY or compassion, not really. However, the narcissist wanted to be seen as a very good person, and so, put on an act pretending to be such a person. In reality, it was all about exploiting people for what the narcissist can get from them, and one thing the narcissist wants badly is to be admired, even worshiped, because narcissists feel ENTITLED, and the admiration of others makes them feel powerful.
In fact, to a narcissist, being able to CONTROL THE PERCEPTIONS OF OTHERS is an enormous power trip, and the narcissist is all about power and control. It's not what's true that matters to the narcissist, it's what they can make you and others THINK is true. For a narcissist, appearance is reality.
Another part of the Jekyl and Hyde personality of the narcissist is that the narcissist enjoys abusing and inflicting pain....they are sadistic, which makes them bullies. Being able to abuse you and also to keep you around for more, to the narcissist, shows how much power and control the narcissist has over you.
To be with a narcissist is to be forever confused and forever abused, and to be disoriented and beaten down by the Jekyl and Hyde act. Then, one day, I realized I could NEVER change the narcissist. NEVER. If fact, years after our split, the narcissist is still just as bad...no, I think worse. YOUR narcissist will never change, either. You deserve better. You can be happy again, but you can never be happy for long with a narcissist.
at 12:14 PM