Saturday, September 19, 2015
STUCK!....5 THINGS THAT KEEP THE VICTIM FROM MOVING ON....
1. THE DESIRE FOR CLOSURE....there is no closure with a narcissist, ever, but it's the natural human desire to have closure that keeps the victim stuck. The narcissist has manipulated and gaslighted the victim to the point that they have difficulty realizing that the N is sheer evil, and the victim wants some sort of understanding of why all this happened OTHER THAN THE REALITY OF THE N'S EVIL, but there is no other explanation. That's a difficult conclusion to come to, so the victim often seeks out the narcissist for some [non existent] other explanation. However, the only closure with the narcissist is the realization that you will never hear the truth from the narcissist, but you can know the truth anyway, and the truth will set you free.
2. I WANT AN ADMISSION TO THE LIES AND CHEATING....when it becomes obvious to the victim that they were told lie after lie, including the lie that they would have a life together with the narcissist, and when they realize that the N was cheating all along while professing love for them, they naturally want the N to face the facts and admit the truth, which the N will never do. It doesn't matter how many facts and how obvious the truth, the N will deny you this, because the N can never admit fallibility. However, the narcissist WILL admit to something if they feel it will hurt you even more...example, my NarcX admitted to an on going affair with her boss as the marriage ended, because she thought it would hurt me. It didn't. I was just glad to be rid of her.
3. I WANT AN APOLOGY.....of course, an apology would make sense IF the narcissist thought, sincerely, that they had done something wrong, but they don't. The narcissist is NOT sorry for anything they did, and so will never apologize.
4. I WANT AN EXPLANATION.....that would be nice, except that the narcissist can't even explain themselves to themselves. The only thing true is that they want what they want, when they want it, and have no moral values at all. An explanation has a certain underlying assumption, namely, that the N cares about right and wrong and that their behavior must make some kind of sense in some way, but it doesn't. The explanation of the narcissist's behavior will never come from the narcissist, because the truths are shocking....it's about getting supply at all costs no matter how wrong, having power over you, control of you, and the enjoyment they got from abusing you. The N is never going to admit that.
5. I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME....this assumes the narcissist doesn't know, but the narcissist DOES know, and enjoyed it the whole time, since abusing and hurting you makes them feel powerful. Sickening, right? Narcissist are abusers IN THE FIRST DEGREE, that is, the engage in willful, deliberate, and premeditated abuse, with malice aforethought. It's likely that if you try to explain how much the N hurt you, the N will just laugh at you, or treat you with disdain.
How about you? Are any of these 5 things keeping you stuck? Are there others you'd add to this list? Let us know in your comments.
at 6:36 PM