Saturday, September 26, 2015


..and no love, either, what the narcissists says not withstanding.  Empathy is the quality that allows us to put ourselves in another's shoes, which is the basis of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you", something the narcissist neither understands nor follows. 

However, the narcissist has a substitute for empathy and conscience....they are intellectually aware that they are hurting others terribly, but without empathy or conscience, it is merely a detached observation, and a tool to use against them.  As a result, those near a narcissist end up feeling empty and exhausted, and hyper vigilant for abuse (walking on egg shells). 

The narcissist gets away with it by imitating caring and having feelings about others, when it serves their purposes.  But, in that, they are serving their own needs, and it never occurs to them to put your needs, or others' needs, ahead of their own.  That would be altruistic (self sacrificial), and while the narcissist can fake it, they are never actually like that.

What the narcissist IS good at, however, is finding an empathetic person and getting their sympathy by playing the victim.  The narcissist would not have chosen you if you were not a kind and empathetic person.  The narcissist chooses the best, and does the worst.

Other ways the narcissist gets away with faking emotions is that they are consummate liars, and supreme manipulators, which, combined with being very competitive and argumentative, allows them to dominate people and conversations in order to turn them to their own advantage.  Every circumstance is about winning and losing to a narcissist.  And, while they are cold and calculating, they can seem warm and likable, which makes your discussions about the narcissist with others seem unreal to them.

In summary, narcissists are good at PRETENDING, but don't feel empathy or compassion, and have no conscience, which is why they do what they do with no sense of right or wrong.  In the end, it's shocking to understand that the wonderful person you met, that you thought the world of, is a monster without a conscience, and capable of the most grotesque evil, but it's true.  That's the narcissist in a nutshell.


  1. This is so true!!! Hit the nail on the head !I Couldn't have described it any better!

  2. So good to be able to describe so accurately what my ex did to me - shame his new woman can't be warned about this