Thursday, September 10, 2015

NARCISSISTS AS THEY REALLY ARE...30 UGLY THINGS A NARCISSIST DOES


Here's what WE see when we detach and observe the narcissist closely. It's striking how fantasy prone a narcissist is and how self centered and self absorbed, and what a radical difference between how the narcissist sees themselves compared to how they really are.  For example, the narcissist:

  • Turns every conversation to him or herself.

  • Expects you to meet his or her emotional needs but not vice versa. 

  • Is oblivious to the impact of his negative comments on you. 

  • Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you and tells you what you should and should not feel.

  • Focuses on blaming you or others instead of taking responsibility for his own behavior. 

  • Expects you to anticipate his every need.

  • Is highly absorbed in his own hobbies, interests, to the point of ignoring your and your children's needs. 

  • Constantly seeks to be the center of attention. 

  • Inappropriately teases and ignores the hurt he causes.

  • Refuses to acknowledge his own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and uses anger to shut it down.

  • Has an attitude of “anything you can do, I can do better.”

  • Engages in one-upmanship to seem important. 

  • Acts in a seductive or flirtatious manner and pours on the charm when in public.

  • Expects to be admired...may use false modesty to fish for compliments.

  • Thinks he has to have latest, or the “biggest” and “best.” 

  • Very status oriented

  • No sense of gratitude, but rather thinks YOU owe THEM.

  • Fake persona, acts like the “perfect” person, husband, or father, to gain admiration. 

  • Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what he wants. Lets you know you'd better cater to his sexual fantasies or he will find someone who will.

  • Sees himself above the rules and doesn't expect to be penalized for not following them. 

  • Shames your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings. 

  • Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own. 

  • Wants to control what you do and say—tries to micromanage you. 

  • Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own. 

  • Has poor insight

  • Has shallow emotions and interests.
     
  • Exploits others with lies and manipulations.

  • Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants. 

  • Engages in physical, psychological, or sexual abuse....makes you feel used.

19 comments:

  1. After point two (2) the author seems to assume that all narcissists are male.

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    1. Use of the masculine pronoun for all is common. Much easier than constantly saying he/she or him/her

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    3. If the gender roles were reversed, chances are someone would be accusing the male wirter of being a misogynist by using only the female pronoun: shall we therefore assume this female writer is a misandrist? With such an emotionally charged subject matter, the sensitjve thing to do would be to use the plural pronoun “they”; if it’s really too much effort for the wirter to use ”he/she”. Or better yet, In this age of gender equality, why not use the feminine gender pronoun as the norm? Or would this female writer be too biased to consider gender equality when it come to exposing the negative behaviour displayed by her own sex? But hey, I’m just a guy, so what do I know, right?

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    4. I have known female and males with narcissistic personality disorder and they all have the majority of these traits. Although I am a woman, I never thought the author was just speaking about males with this disorder. I assumed it included the females with this disorder as well. Both sexes can be affected with it, although there is a higher percentage of male's with this diagnosis. And no, a man who is a misogynist will have some of these traits but not every misogynist has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There is some crossover, but generally people with Narcissistic personality disorder treat their closest loved ones like this. Whether they are in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship, does not matter. It is about how they react to those who they use as narcissistic supply.

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    5. I feel lost and like I'm nobody because he tells me I'm nobody and nobody likes me

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    6. @southerngal ...Please get counselling from a women's support centre... No one deserves to be made to feel that do not matter... We are each created by miraculous odds of The Universe's & Our Maker's design... You are connected to all in Creation purposefully and perfectly as you are meant to be.. NO one has the right to try and deaden your unique BEING... You have a right to be your authentic self with the authentic passions, goals, and abilities only given to you, and no one else in the same way. You were created to connect with those who inspire your own passions and callings of the quiet calm message that tries to reach you from the Universe. Try to only connect with those that do not feel toxic to you. Sometimes the lesson in life is to know when to move on or walk away. We level up in life when we do what is hard... and a life does NOT require you to do what is hard alone... There are supports who will relate and can help you. xo

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    7. @southerngal, i am in the same situation, if u need to talk please email me. N if want u can contact me.
      My email is rosa0330@aol.com, please i need to talk to someone too, he leaves me alone every night, n i cant seem to get him out of my mind.

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    8. My ex best friend did all of these things to me, she is an evil woman!

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  2. Yeah, I noticed that but the friend I am sending this to is male dealing with a female narcissist/soul sucker.

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  3. I have to own up to most of the observations, however I thought that these are the norms of the human condition. A sort of self protection mechanism.Often used in banter in order not to be crushed in convivial conversation.

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  4. Yep.....I concur....that is my ex.

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  6. If the gender roles were reversed, chances are someone would be accusing the male wirter of being a misogynist by using only the female pronoun: shall we therefore assume this female writer is a misandrist? With such an emotionally charged subject matter, the sensitjve thing to do would be to use the plural pronoun “they”; if it’s really too much effort for the wirter to use ”he/she”. Or better yet, In this age of gender equality, why not use the feminine gender pronoun as the norm? Or would this female writer be too biased to consider gender equality when it come to exposing the negative behaviour displayed by her own sex? But hey, I’m just a guy, so what do I know, right?

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  7. My Ex would do 22/29 of these examples. HE (yes, HE is a man) sees himself as a good person. Even after being separated from him for over 3 years he is still trying to cross boundaries (imposing himself on me, touching me, letting himself into my home when I'm out), manipulating...it is all about him and how bad things are (for him), I did this to him (by ending the relationship) and have destroyed our family. Our children will suffer etc. (actually, kids are doing great! so am I as we are not suffering his emotional abuse on a regular basis).

    Wondering why are you attacking this author? The information is sound. Some of their examples are him/her inclusive, just not all. I would personally use "they" and be gender neutral, but am not offended by he/she references. I see many authors add disclaimers regarding gender references in their writing, I suppose this author could do the same. However the article is not 'man bashing' or 'woman bashing' it is just about a personality type that (statistically) shows up in more men than women:


    " Both men and women can be narcissists. However, the motivations of male and female narcissists are different.
    They also manipulate situations to their advantage in different ways. Roughly 6% of the population has
    narcissistic personality disorder. Research over the years has shown that it is also more prevalent in men than
    in women — 7.7% vs 4.8%."
    source: https://www.businessinsider.com.au/the-main-difference-between-narcissistic-men-and-women-2017-10?r=UK&IR=T

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    1. I’m really sorry you had a bad time with the narcissistic man in your life; I’m also really sorry I’ve had a bad time with the narcissist mother in my life. But does that give me the right to make indiscriminate sweeping generalisations depicting narcissists as being female by using “SHE” instead of “they”, when making a general reference to non-gender specific narcissistic behaviour? That’s as reprehensible as typifying criminals of a certain type as being black, because more blacks are convicted of that type of crime. I would be ashamed of myself, just for holding such an intrinsically prejudiced attitude, let alone trying to promote it as being “statistically justifiable”.

      As for your statistic that more narcissistists are male than female, the research you rely upon is woefully out of date. Current health care practices are discovering that it’s closer to 50-50, and that this statistic may actually be underestimating the incidence of narcissistic abuse of men, because of the social pressures upon men which mean that male victims are far less likely to report being victims of abuse by a woman, or even to seek help (mainly because this “patriarchal” society values men so much that it is commonly held that abuse of men by a woman doesn’t count anywhere near to the same degree as abuse of women by a man).

      https://www.paracelsus-recovery.com/en/blog/male-victims-of-female-narcissists

      Since you have spoken from your own experience, I shall now take that same privilege to myself (it being the age of equality). My own experience of narcissism started as a male child raised by a narcissistic mother. While my sister would get any amount of comforting and reassurance when she was upset, as the male child, I was roundly told by that same mother, to stop sniffling and be a man, even at times when “SHE” (yes, SHE was a mother, and thus a woman), had just wrongly punished me for something my sister had admitted doing. Visiting my friends’ homes as a child, this desensitisation of boys by their mothers seemed very much common practice in society at large, but most powerfully imprinted by the mother upon the male child. I can’t help but wonder why society doesn’t understand why men so readily resort to expressing their emotions physically, when that same society has conditioned men to believe they have no valid platform for gaining unbiased recognition of their peacefully expressed emotions in a sympathetic arena.

      Thanks to a great deal of counselling, I have managed to remove myself from the toxic relationship with the narcissistic mother, and even identified and neutralised some narcissistic behavioural tendencies imprinted upon me by HER.

      They say behind every great man, there’s an even greater woman; shall I now feel entitled to say, behind every great narcissist man, there’s an even greater narcissist mother (did anyone mention the word “SHE”)? I rather think not; although, the statistics suggest I may be justified (that is, if I were to lower my standards of justification to those you express as acceptable, i.e. the statistics of first-hand experience).

      Really, I do hope you find resolution with your narcissist situation, especially for the sake of your family. I am permanently imprinted in my very character and being, by the narcissistic SHE that reared me (not to mention the other narcissistic women by whom I’ve had the pleasure of being targeted. But that’s a story I shall have to save in response to your reply to this comment).

      However, in spite of all this, I still don’t think that it gives me the right to refer to narcissists as being female (SHE) when making pejorative and damning statements in general terms about a group (THEY) that is both male and female (that would be inaccurate, misleading, and, if done deliberately, morally corrupt and deceitful).

      In all sympathy, as a fellow narcissism survivor.

      May your God go with you.



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  8. Thank you for giving me some insight on the matter. You are right about narcissistic mothers telling their sons to man up and more or less swallow their emotions as their was a newly divorced woman in our neighbord who instantly made her son the man of the house when he was only a little boy robbing him of his childhood and dumping way too many responsibilities on him. Your connection between physical abusers and their bei g raised by narcissistic mothers was an eye opener yet so obvious that I wonder why more hasn't been written on the subject. Parents need to be schooled on childrearing because children don't come with a handbook and just becausr two people can make a child it doesn't mean they know how to raise one. Best wishes in your recovery and once again thank you.

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