Wednesday, September 30, 2015

INVALIDATION: THE COVERT FORM OF ABUSE...

One of the most corrosive and destructive forms of narcissistic abuse is invalidation.  This occurs when the narcissist acts like we don't exist, or don't matter, or are worthless and unimportant.  It's very distressing to us and causes us to redouble our efforts to be significant to the narcissist.  But, this is not about us, though we don't know it.  It's about the narcissist, as always. 

We once had ALL the narcissist's attention, or so it seemed, and their affection, and we were the most important thing in the N's life.  Now, we wonder what's wrong with us. 

Invalidation is the opposite of love.  It is an exquisite cruelty in a romantic relationship where we believed we had a life partner.  an aspect of invalidation is the devalue and discard phase...we become less than nothing to the narcissist, who has moved on instantly, making us bewildered.  In fact, the N in the process of doing the same thing to another victim.

I know my now wife still felt invalidated 5 years post divorce to the point she felt unworthy of a relationship...that is, until we met.  What is validating to her?  It's as simple as a normal, loving relationship that is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  It's complementing her, making her feel special because she is special, and her understanding her importance to my life, and my son's life. 

Just remember, there was NEVER anything wrong with you.  You were always enough for the right person...a normal person.  You didn't lose the narcissist's love...you never had it.  It was all fake, and it's fake with the new supply.  But, oh my, show things change with the right person.  Yes, you can be happy again.  Don't let the narcissist win...move on to a good relationship.  Just start slowly and gradually.  It happened for me and for my now wife, and if it happened for us it can happen for you.

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