Saturday, September 12, 2015


Hey, the narcissist is all about playing games with your head. It's what they do. So, how do you screw that up? What's “anti-game” when dealing with a narcissist?

That's easy. It's like this...the narcissist watches you very closely and picks up a lot of clues about how to manipulate and confuse you from watching your language and conversation, your emotional reactions, and your body language. Narcs are masters at reading people. So, that's what you disrupt.

Now, keep in mind, with a narcissist, there is nothing authentic and it's always a chess match with the other person, and the narcissist plays to win every time. But, his Achilles heel is that the narcissist MUST play the game since they know of no other way to deal with people. So, with the narcissist, things are never as they seem.

This is where the “gray rock” method is so invaluable, that is, having the same facial expressions, emotions, and body language as a gray rock....nothing...nothing at all. Whoa...this is VERY unsettling to a narcissist, because it's like them putting a blind fold on and trying to drive....the N doesn't know what to do or where to go with what the N sees.

This means keeping your wits about you. If you don't have children with the narcissist and don't have to interact, then don't. If you do have to, then gray rock is the way to go. Gray rock means you need to “center yourself” because the N will definitely try to get some reaction out of you, because to the N, any reaction, positive or negative, is still supply, and the more you gray rock the N, the harder the N will try, for quite some time, and then, the N may drop off but occasionally try again.

Now, it's important to understand that we're not talking about how you feel at the may feel angry, frustrated, hurt, afraid, or a million other things....but we're talking about WHAT YOU SHOW THE NARCISSIST, in what you say or don't, what your facial expression is, and how you act. Personally, I limit my reaction to a stony face and flat, monotone speech, that's very business like. At best, if the N gets huffy, I might raise an eyebrow....very imperceptibly, but say nothing.

When I used to play penny ante poker, long before it was well known, I knew, as did most experienced players, that inexperienced players gave off “tells”, that is, when they get a card, they reacted to that card via facial expressions and body language, and perhaps even verbal language. A good player “keeps their cards close to the vest”, meaning, never shows any expression at all. It takes practice, but you can get the hang of it.

Now, the the narc knows well how to elicit a certain to make you angry, or how to hurt you, for instance, but doing “gray rock” distances you from the N emotionally and personally and takes away the N's game. It's great to them if the N can make you get out of control so they can call you crazy, right? Sure. So, the N pushes your buttons and watches you go. So, then, one day, the N pushes your buttons and nothing happens at all. Hummm. What's that all about?

It's about not giving the N any ammo they can use against you. Think of it as a ping pong game...the narcissist keeps hitting the ball to you, and you just stand there and never try to hit the ball back...never. How fun is that for the narcissist? It isn't, and that's the whole point.

The narcissist is all about power and control over you, so the N dominates you, or tries. You can't beat the narcissist at their own game...they're much to clever for that. But, you can frustrate the heck out of them BY REFUSING TO PLAY AT ALL. That way, the narcissist can't twist your mind into knots or play on your emotions.

The narc wants power and you offer the N....nothing, nothing at all, ever. That's a game the N doesn't want to play...nothing in it for them. My wife's NarcX still, rarely, takes a shot at it, but now, very rarely since it never gets him anywhere. That makes a narcissist feel powerless, and they hate that.


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  4. Thanks I needed that, ex is a gret big Narcissistic baby and we have 2 boys together, I went no contact after our 17yr old went to visit him and the visit turned into a nightmare. They used to be very close, before adolescence and rebellion hit, ex took every teenage act of rebellion as a personal attack and remains resentful. The visit ended abruptly when ex called me Father's Day and told me to get "my" son a ticket to get home before I have to bail him out so I did just that. After 2 days of the most cruel abusive text messages, directed that myself and our child (we ignored) he stopped and I maintained NO CONTACT. To punish me during this time he has also ignored our 15 year old and both boy's birthdays. He called recently after a he had a health scare and has been trying to reconcile. Today he called and was his old self, no more sweet apologies just the nasty bastard he does so well. Condescending, disrespectful and hateful which upset me at first then I remembered that which I should never forget, my pain gives him pleasure. All about supply and demand him contacticting me means his latest source of supply has either figured him out and cut him off or he's giving her the silent treatment and he needs a source at all times.

  5. If you are treating somebody like they are a narcissist, then you are a narcissist also. Everything you described above is equivalent to a narcissist discard after supply runs out. Just got out of a relationship with covert, which you could be also, I was the narc and it was alright for her to act like one because "I'm so terrible and I'm the narc." Just wanna make you aware that narcissists tend to get in relationships with eachother, one plays the codependent covert narcissist role (which is really a narc but our society is into this victim complex so bad that it's accepted), and the other the overt narcissist. You sound like a covert narc if you did that to somebody.

    1. Facts... Im a narc and i do this to my narc bf. Hes much worst than me but i tend to do the same things he does but a little less harsh. Hes extremely harsh.

  6. Bahahahaha!! That's such b.s. (to comment above) You know, a country may want peace, but if they keep being attacked...they'll have to fight back or lose to the aggressor.

  7. I am a female narc in a messed up relationship with another narc. Hes much more meaner and im alot more submissive. Our relationship satisfies me though, i do not love him he doesnt love me but i get a strange pleasure from him that i cant get from anyone else. I love to torture him and when he tortures me i feel pain and hurt but at the same time i like how bad he is. He likes to reject me alot when it comes to sex and any kind of affection, that pisses me off to an extreme point but i understand his game sooo i hit back with telling him how handsome his brother is getting and wow hes gotten so tall too, hes almost perfect now lol and by saying that he becomes what i called "bothered" he hates it if i find anyone else better than him because he thinks he is perfect and part of my game is that i tell him i see him that way just to feed him what he needs. In reality noone is perfect but me and how smart i am. 😊

  8. It sucks not knowing what love is. I dont know what it is. I only feel extreme possession over MY man and family.