Saturday, September 12, 2015

HOW TO MESS WITH A NARCISSIST'S HEAD IN ONE EASY LESSON.....


Hey, the narcissist is all about playing games with your head. It's what they do. So, how do you screw that up? What's “anti-game” when dealing with a narcissist?

That's easy. It's like this...the narcissist watches you very closely and picks up a lot of clues about how to manipulate and confuse you from watching your language and conversation, your emotional reactions, and your body language. Narcs are masters at reading people. So, that's what you disrupt.

Now, keep in mind, with a narcissist, there is nothing authentic and it's always a chess match with the other person, and the narcissist plays to win every time. But, his Achilles heel is that the narcissist MUST play the game since they know of no other way to deal with people. So, with the narcissist, things are never as they seem.

This is where the “gray rock” method is so invaluable, that is, having the same facial expressions, emotions, and body language as a gray rock....nothing...nothing at all. Whoa...this is VERY unsettling to a narcissist, because it's like them putting a blind fold on and trying to drive....the N doesn't know what to do or where to go with what the N sees.

This means keeping your wits about you. If you don't have children with the narcissist and don't have to interact, then don't. If you do have to, then gray rock is the way to go. Gray rock means you need to “center yourself” because the N will definitely try to get some reaction out of you, because to the N, any reaction, positive or negative, is still supply, and the more you gray rock the N, the harder the N will try, for quite some time, and then, the N may drop off but occasionally try again.

Now, it's important to understand that we're not talking about how you feel at the time....you may feel angry, frustrated, hurt, afraid, or a million other things....but we're talking about WHAT YOU SHOW THE NARCISSIST, in what you say or don't, what your facial expression is, and how you act. Personally, I limit my reaction to a stony face and flat, monotone speech, that's very business like. At best, if the N gets huffy, I might raise an eyebrow....very imperceptibly, but say nothing.

When I used to play penny ante poker, long before it was well known, I knew, as did most experienced players, that inexperienced players gave off “tells”, that is, when they get a card, they reacted to that card via facial expressions and body language, and perhaps even verbal language. A good player “keeps their cards close to the vest”, meaning, never shows any expression at all. It takes practice, but you can get the hang of it.

Now, the the narc knows well how to elicit a certain response...how to make you angry, or how to hurt you, for instance, but doing “gray rock” distances you from the N emotionally and personally and takes away the N's game. It's great to them if the N can make you get out of control so they can call you crazy, right? Sure. So, the N pushes your buttons and watches you go. So, then, one day, the N pushes your buttons and nothing happens at all. Hummm. What's that all about?

It's about not giving the N any ammo they can use against you. Think of it as a ping pong game...the narcissist keeps hitting the ball to you, and you just stand there and never try to hit the ball back...never. How fun is that for the narcissist? It isn't, and that's the whole point.

The narcissist is all about power and control over you, so the N dominates you, or tries. You can't beat the narcissist at their own game...they're much to clever for that. But, you can frustrate the heck out of them BY REFUSING TO PLAY AT ALL. That way, the narcissist can't twist your mind into knots or play on your emotions.

The narc wants power and you offer the N....nothing, nothing at all, ever. That's a game the N doesn't want to play...nothing in it for them. My wife's NarcX still, rarely, takes a shot at it, but now, very rarely since it never gets him anywhere. That makes a narcissist feel powerless, and they hate that.

32 comments:

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  4. Thanks I needed that, ex is a gret big Narcissistic baby and we have 2 boys together, I went no contact after our 17yr old went to visit him and the visit turned into a nightmare. They used to be very close, before adolescence and rebellion hit, ex took every teenage act of rebellion as a personal attack and remains resentful. The visit ended abruptly when ex called me Father's Day and told me to get "my" son a ticket to get home before I have to bail him out so I did just that. After 2 days of the most cruel abusive text messages, directed that myself and our child (we ignored) he stopped and I maintained NO CONTACT. To punish me during this time he has also ignored our 15 year old and both boy's birthdays. He called recently after a he had a health scare and has been trying to reconcile. Today he called and was his old self, no more sweet apologies just the nasty bastard he does so well. Condescending, disrespectful and hateful which upset me at first then I remembered that which I should never forget, my pain gives him pleasure. All about supply and demand him contacticting me means his latest source of supply has either figured him out and cut him off or he's giving her the silent treatment and he needs a source at all times.

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    1. My exact situation,although he tells the boys that hes going to start a new family with his very young gf. Lol if he can't win the game. Try try again with new players. Poor young girl.

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  5. If you are treating somebody like they are a narcissist, then you are a narcissist also. Everything you described above is equivalent to a narcissist discard after supply runs out. Just got out of a relationship with covert, which you could be also, I was the narc and it was alright for her to act like one because "I'm so terrible and I'm the narc." Just wanna make you aware that narcissists tend to get in relationships with eachother, one plays the codependent covert narcissist role (which is really a narc but our society is into this victim complex so bad that it's accepted), and the other the overt narcissist. You sound like a covert narc if you did that to somebody.

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    1. Facts... Im a narc and i do this to my narc bf. Hes much worst than me but i tend to do the same things he does but a little less harsh. Hes extremely harsh.

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  6. Bahahahaha!! That's such b.s. (to comment above) You know, a country may want peace, but if they keep being attacked...they'll have to fight back or lose to the aggressor.

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    1. Yes!! Long story short I’m still living with my ex Narc because I can’t afford to move out and am an emotional anxiety mess. Anyone who’s ever truly been in the entanglement of a Narc knows that your left with no choice at times to do whatever necessary to survive. It’s not being a Narc it’s fighting for whatever glimpse of a possible life you may have left to salvage. Trust me, I never in a million years thought I’d be in this position. But here I am. For now until I pick up the pieces and rebuild myself, Gray rock is my only sanctuary!!!!

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  7. I am a female narc in a messed up relationship with another narc. Hes much more meaner and im alot more submissive. Our relationship satisfies me though, i do not love him he doesnt love me but i get a strange pleasure from him that i cant get from anyone else. I love to torture him and when he tortures me i feel pain and hurt but at the same time i like how bad he is. He likes to reject me alot when it comes to sex and any kind of affection, that pisses me off to an extreme point but i understand his game sooo i hit back with telling him how handsome his brother is getting and wow hes gotten so tall too, hes almost perfect now lol and by saying that he becomes what i called "bothered" he hates it if i find anyone else better than him because he thinks he is perfect and part of my game is that i tell him i see him that way just to feed him what he needs. In reality noone is perfect but me and how smart i am. 😊

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    1. Can't wait to see your episode on Snapped! By far the best sneak peak I've seen!Thanks for sharing!

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    2. Hello can some 1 tell me that i am liveing with a narcissists n ifeel i am after hearing n searching up on this narcissits behaivoure.
      I wana let you know abit about me and the past that kills me from a lerson i for 5 years been with that always opens my scares from my past with my x wife. There was a baby involved but she got an abortion and that killed me hurt me more then anyone could. I got with this girl n she had lost costudy with her son which he remains with his dad.
      Ever since iv been with her she had been calling me names threatening me n manipilatiing me in ways that even my past i get blamed n insulted by her .
      Its been 5 years now that she has a home from nothing to something she says to me that 15 years of abuse is to much and how that i am going to break things like her past men n how i am jelouse of her for haveing a child with her partenr and how my x didnt have a child for me.
      These are the reason why she says i am jelouse.
      She threatens me with police our sex life, and how i dont desserve to b a father and how i am a pedavile all of rhe horrible things i would never say to some1 i say i love.
      I habe recording of her as she has recording of me n all i say to my self at the end n feel are so poor like my character is being attacked.
      The last time we had a fight she wantd to put me in jail . By the words she says to mw provocking me
      i feel in my guts she dont want the best for me.
      Recently this month april she made a faecbook account n accused me of it. I deel that she cares only for her self n i was deeply blind to ever feel she was the one who will look after my hart n comfort me n more.
      I would like to speak with some1 regearding this. My email ad.as09@hotmail.co.uk ples email me thank you

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  8. It sucks not knowing what love is. I dont know what it is. I only feel extreme possession over MY man and family.

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    1. You're either a narcissist or plain insecure. Try to gain some self confidence. If you feel jealous, it's about you, not others.

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  9. Read about Grey rock a couple weeks ago and I love the idea. I am noticing with my Narc that it baffles him. But it’s extremely hard to keep up all the time. I’ll admit I’ve completely lost my cool a couple times since I’ve started. My Narc has upped his game to push my buttons. Unfortunately he was successful but I just start over. Things are definitely calmer around the house. No raging which is so nice but he does linger around the house more than he used to. Upped his “present silent treatment” which was normally “absent silent treatment” But it is what it is and I’m slowly getting the energy to take steps to leave. For now I’m going to keep up practicing Grey rock. Best method for sure!!!! Thank-you to all who have introduced this method. Very well a life saver :)

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  10. Narc's can gray Rock you right back once they've sucked you into their game. It could take years to get out of the game if you have kids together and if he's taught you how to play the game... It can be addicting and you'll find you're pretty narc-st as well.
    Mind games... control your own mind and be careful not to get sucked into their swirling toilet.

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    1. It is really hard, but not impossible. Persevere, get out as soon as possible, make plans, put some money away that they don't know about, work toward it, think of it as the light at the end of the horror train wreak that you're currently on.

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  11. And when the narc is your daughter she will use your grandchild as manipulation. How could you abandon your grandchild like that? πŸ˜”

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    1. You can't save others if you're not safe yourself. First things first. Save yourself, worry about others later when you are secure.

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  12. Very helpful article. You are right indeed, you cannot beat a Narcissist at their game, trust me I've tried. I did succeed at not playing for awhile but somehow got sucked back into the crazy triangle because I felt guilty. A Narc is good at doing that. This article however has given me the confidence and ammo that is much needed in order to have some internal peace and regain control back over my emotions.. Thanks for taking the time in writing and sharing this.

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  13. Gray rock has been incredibly useful while I'm in the process of leaving a Narc. It helps maintain my sanity and reduces their toxic behaviour now they understand that they can't provoke or control me. It has destroyed my relationship with the Narc but that can only be a good thing. The other bonus is that once I figured out a strategy to stop buying into all the drama, I discovered I have much more headspace to make plans for rebuilding an independent life after years of abuse. It's not always easy but it works. Creating mental and emotional distance has made me feel safer and stronger than I have in years.

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  14. Great article, but what if you have a 4 year old daughter and an 8 year old son with a narcissist?

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    1. Get a divorce while you're still young enough to get a job to support you and the kids. Get him OUT of your life. It's the only solution. Otherwise, you will suffer, your kids will suffer, life will be hell.

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  15. I'm 65yrs. And deciding I'm done. I pray I can get my or any life back. Im ready to start over, scared to death financially. I had a house, savings and self confidence when we married. He stripped me if all that. Wish me luck and prayers

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    1. good luck, you can do it. You lived thru the hell, the rest of life will be a piece of cake compared to what you suffered before.

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  16. I grew up with a brother who is a monster. Narcissist, sociopath, whatever. He made the entire family's lives hell. I did the ignoring thing years ago, it only made him mad to the point that, when he knew he could not push my buttons, he would attack me physically. Then tell my parents that he never hit me. He was being selective about what "hitting" was, because he could kick, jab with elbow, body slam me to the ground, without actually using his hands and he could give a very convincing "I never hit" excuse. He is 62 now, he lived with my mother until her death two years ago. He tortured her all the while. I only hope that one day he'll make a mistake and bother the wrong person.

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  17. My wife, her brother, and their mother are all narcissists. It took me many years to figure out what was truly going on. It was hard to learn that the people that one thought loved you didn't actually love you. Everything is and was one giant game, trying to figure out who is playing who. I was played from day one. I have went no contact with the mother in law, and brother in law (he is the main narcissist, the one to whom everyone else must bow down to) as much as i can. I have learned recently however that i don't have to hand over power and how to do it. Just by simply not returning phone calls or text messages really sends my wife (narcissist) into a tizzy. Me living my life as if she doesn't exist to me has really helped a lot. I am in a situation that i can't get out of for a few years with children, so i have to do my best to not let the narcissists mess with my head. It is not easy, but with what i have learned, i am making headway in this evil monstrocity. Taking one day at a time and not letting the narc's attitude affect one as much has really helped.

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  18. Michael...I can totally understand. My husband, My MIL and SIL are all cluster B's. It was a nightmare. So glad to be away from them. I asked for money to pay for the property damage he did. He says he didnt of course. But he said he loves someone else. I mean we are still married. I never say anything personal to him. I never get flustered. I'm just a TV to him. Can you love a TV? Get it? He is just scum on the bottom of my shoe.

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