HOW TO LIVE WITH A NARCISSIST....

Or not. Anyway, I did, for 20 years. Here's what you'll be dealing with if you stay with the narcissist, or if you are hoovered and let the narcissist come back.

1. The narcissist has the emotional maturity of a child, and acts like one and will never grow up to become a mature human being.

2. Forget about trying to have boundaries. If you try, the narcissist will never respect them. Boundaries are what you will and won't do, and will and won't tolerate. Boundaries in a relationship cause an equality of power within the relationship, and the narcissist will never permit that. If you try to enforce your boundaries, the narcissist will pout, get angry, get abusive, give you the silent treatment, withhold affection and sex, and generally make your life miserable because narcissists are all about power over you and having control.

In a normal relationship, if one person violate the boundaries of another, that person apologizes and makes amends. The narcissist NEVER apologizes, at least not sincerely. Ignoring your boundaries means the narcissist can walk all over you and keep you under the N's thumb, where, as far as the N is concerned, is where you belong.

3. You will live in a “no win” situation. Narcissists are not about “win-win”, but sees the world in terms of winners and losers, and the N will make sure you are the loser, or drive you crazy trying. Narcs engage in “crazy making” tactics, including gas lighting, to always be top dog. Expect to have to meet his expectations and needs while having yours ignored. It's the narcs way or the highway and they let you know that, so say goodbye to feeling secure.

4. Get used to having the feeling that the narcissist is not faithful. The N doesn't not respect wedding vows or promises of fidelity but sees them as a way to fool you. And, get used to feeling humiliated, as the N does everything to get the attention of the opposite sex, including flirting in front of you. No matter what you find out, the N will deny, deny, deny. Besides, the N becomes bored with one sexual partner, and may want you to cater to their sexual fantasies with the implied threat of cheating as an incentive. Get used to feeling used and degraded.

5. The narcissist will begin or continue to bad mouth you to their friends, your friends, and both of your families as the N prepares for the discard (again). The goal is the destroying of your support system, because the narcissist always seeks to recruit allies, called “flying monkeys”, and uses them to demean and belittle you. They are charmed by the narcissist, especially since you once told them how perfect the N is....consequently, the problem must be you. When the N discards you, you will be largely without the support of friends and family.

6. You'll need to develop a high tolerance for abuse, including cutting and sarcastic remarks, negative comments about your appearance, negative tone to the N's speech, lies, innuendoes, having the N vent on you and your not being allowed to respond, and being treated with total disrespect, at least in private....AND THEN, watching the N fool everyone, in public, into thinking how nice they are.

Bet you've got others. The question we all face is whether we are up for all this. It's important to honestly face the truth when you make a decision. When I finally did, 20 years in, and I realized the narcissist would never change, I made the decision to get out.